The Secret to Selling? Just Have a Proper Chat
It’s a funny old thing, but I’ll admit it: I used to be a “pitch-bot.”
Early in my management career, I was so busy ‘optimising funnels’ and ‘leveraging assets’ that I forgot the most powerful tool I ever had: a decent chat. I’d walk into a meeting with a script, ready to launch a 10-minute monologue on features and benefits, and I couldn’t understand why my colleagues’ eyes would glaze over.
The “ah-ha” moment came from a client I’d failed to win. His feedback was brutal but fair: “I just felt like a number on your spreadsheet.”
That failure forced me to re-learn something. We now call it ‘conversational selling,’ which is just a fancy way of describing good, old-fashioned common sense. It’s the simple, rather lovely idea that the best way to sell something is to have a nice, helpful, human conversation first.
Here is the framework I’ve used ever since to train my teams.
The Secret Ingredient: My 3-Step Diagnostic Framework
At its heart, this is wonderfully simple. It’s about remembering there’s a person on the other end of the line. Your first job isn’t to pitch; it’s to diagnose. I train my clients to stop acting like “pitch-bots” and start acting like trusted “doctors.”
Step 1: Ask “Open” Questions, Not “Closed”
A “closed” question can only be answered with a “yes” or “no” (e.g., “Are you happy with your current setup?”). It’s a conversational dead end. An “open” question invites a story.
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❌ Closed (Bad): “Is your current software slow?”
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✅ Open (Good): “What’s your experience been like with your current software?”
My “go-to” diagnostic questions are:
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“What’s the most frustrating part of your process right now?”
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“If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing, what would it be?”
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“Walk me through what happens when [X] goes wrong.”
Step 2: “Loop” Their Answer (This is the crucial bit)
Before you ever mention your product, you must prove you heard them. Summarise their problem back to them in your own words. This is the single fastest way to build trust.
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The Customer: “The main issue is that our current gadget keeps overheating, and my team says it’s clunky.”
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❌ Bad Response (Pitch-Bot): “Well, my product is fast and never overheats!” (You were just waiting to talk).
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✅ Good Response (Looping): “Okay, so if I’m hearing you right, the main issues aren’t about price. It’s that the current unit is overheating and, just as importantly, it’s clunky and frustrating the team. Is that about right?”
When they say “Yes, that’s it exactly,” you have just built more trust than any sales pitch could.
Step 3: Echo Their Words in the Solution
Once you have this trust, don’t revert to a script. Use their exact words to frame your solution. This proves you were listening.
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The Customer: “My team is just exhausted. They’re burned out from all the manual data entry.”
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❌ Bad (Scripted Pitch): “Well, our product has a robust, synergistic, multi-platform architecture…” (This is gobbledygook).
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✅ Good (Echoing): “That’s exactly what we’re built for. Let me show you how this dashboard will eliminate that manual data entry. The main goal here is to get your exhausted team their time back.”
A Real-World Case Study: From “Pitch-Bot” to “Problem-Solver”
I was coaching a sales rep named Chris who was trying to sell cloud software to a small chain of cafés. The owner was clearly bracing for a hard sell. I told Chris to ditch his script and use the 3-Step Framework.
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Ask Open: Chris’s first question was perfect: “What’s the one thing that slows your team down most during the 8:00 AM rush?”
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Listen & Loop: The owner talked for 10 minutes. He wasn’t worried about “cloud synergy.” He was worried about “the breakfast rush” and “staff frustration.” Chris looped this back: “So, the main problem is the 8:00 AM chaos, not your software.”
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Echo: Chris then said, “Great. Let me show you only the one feature that cuts transaction time. We can ignore everything else.”
He got the sale. Why? He didn’t sell “software”; he sold a solution to “8:00 AM chaos,” using the customer’s own language.
💡 For Visual Thinkers: This approach isn’t just “nicer”; it’s more efficient. For my clients with dyslexia or who are visual thinkers, I often find it helpful to show the difference, not just describe it.
| The “Pitch-Bot” Way (Old) | The “Natter” Way (New) |
| ❌ Wastes time on bad leads | ✅ Qualifies leads fast |
| ❌ Customer feels “sold to” | ✅ Customer feels “helped” |
| ❌ One-time, price-based sale | ✅ Long-term, loyal client |
| ❌ You get “maybe” | ✅ You get a clear “yes” or “no” |
The Final Takeaway: Be a Pal, Not a Pitch-Bot
In a world that’s getting faster and more automated, slowing down for a moment to have a proper natter might just be the most revolutionary—and effective—thing you can do.
🟧 Try This Today
You don’t need to change your entire sales process. Just try this one small, non-intimidating step in your next conversation:
Ask one “open” question instead of a “closed” one.
Instead of: “Are you looking for a new solution?”
Ask: “Can you walk me through what you’re currently dealing with?”
Then, just be quiet and listen. That’s the first step
By Stephen Connell, BSc PGCE (Communication Trainer)
Updated: 11 November 2025
