Have you ever watched someone express themselves and you wondered whether it is natural or not? Maybe you have observed that some people are very comfortable standing up for their rights while others are not even comfortable making their opinions known.
This is the reality: Assertiveness is not one of those traits that people are born with – it is a skill that can be developed. And when you realize this, you give yourself the chance to change your communication pattern and improve your relationships in all spheres of your life.
The Nature vs. Nurture Debate in Assertiveness
Why do some people have the courage to express their views while others are afraid to speak up? Is assertiveness an in-born trait or is it acquired through learning?
Although some people may display assertive behaviours from an early age, research indicates that assertiveness is a learned behaviour. That’s empowering news.
You are not fixed in your communication style. Although you may not have been brought up in a society that promoted speaking for yourself, you can still learn assertiveness if you have courage, self-awareness and the determination to practice it over time.
Signs of Natural Assertiveness in Personality
Some characteristics that are often seen in naturally assertive people are:
Extroversion – Those who are outgoing usually have no problem sharing their views in groups.
Emotional intelligence – If you are good at sensing situations and knowing how to act on them, you are likely to be assertive in your interactions.
Self-efficacy – This is the belief in one’s capability to effect change, which is a good sign of assertiveness.
Optimism – Such an approach to life as a positive one usually results in people’s willingness to speak out and try new things.
Conflict resolution – If you are someone who does not shy away from confrontations, you may already be an assertive person in real life.
However, it is important to note that even if you do not possess these traits naturally, you can still learn to be assertive.
Key Components of Learned Assertiveness
To be assertive is not to be aggressive but it is to be effective in expressing yourself in a way that is forceful yet respectful.
Some important skills in assertiveness are.
- Using “I” statements to claim your needs and feelings without accusing someone else.
- The broken record technique, in which you continue to state your point without becoming angry or agitated.
- Fogging, in which you reflect the other person’s idea without giving in.
- Behavioural rehearsal, in which you rehearse how you can assertively reply to the person in question. You will find that with consistent effort, you will experience reduced tension, higher self-esteem and more authentic connections with others.
Barriers That Block Assertiveness
At times, we do not even know what prevents us from speaking up. Some of the most common barriers include:
- Fear of conflict or rejection – The fear of telling the truth may offend other people.
- Misconceptions – The idea that being assertive means being aggressive.
- Negative past experiences – Times when one tried to express his or her opinion and was silenced or punished.
- Values and boundaries that are not well defined – You cannot express what you have not defined.
- Cultural influences – There are cultures that do not encourage directness and rather opt for harmony.
The first step is identifying these barriers — when you do, you start to take back your voice.
Practical Exercises to Strengthen Assertiveness
As with any skill, assertiveness is developed through the use of the muscle. Here are some exercises that you can try:
- A journal – Record all those instances where you have been unheard or bitter. Look for the patterns of when you should speak up more.
- Role-play – It is best to engage in the practice of conversations with your friend who can be trusted.
- Use “I” language – You can say, for example: ‘I feel neglected whenever I am not allowed to participate in the meetings.’
- Set one assertive goal per day – To speak up in a meeting, to ask for help or to refuse something that is not right.
These small steps can lead to tremendous self-confidence over time.
The Long-Term Benefits of Assertiveness
The advantages of learning how to be more assertive are numerous.
- Healthier relationships, built on honesty and respect
- Reduced anxiety, as you stop bottling things up
- Greater confidence and self-respect
- Improved leadership, problem solving and influence.
You will notice that when conflicts arise, you will see them as a chance to clear the air rather than a fight. And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
Final Thoughts
Your current level of assertiveness does not determine your future ability to express yourself. Regardless of your personality type, assertiveness is a skill that you can learn and strengthen over time.
Start small. Speak up once today. Step outside your comfort zone. Through consistent small efforts, you will develop into someone who combines confidence with authentic self-expression.
The path toward assertiveness leads to personal growth which will positively impact all aspects of your life.
