Early in my management career, I confused authority with influence. I believed my title on the org chart was a “get it done” card.
I’ll never forget trying to get a peer, let’s call him “Mark” from the IT department, to fast-track a new software license for my team. I walked over and said, “Mark, I’m in a real bind. This project is a top priority, and I need you to approve this now.”
He didn’t even look up from his screen. “Fill out the form. It’s a 10-day queue like everyone else.”
I was furious. I tried pulling rank. I tried CC’ing his boss. I tried explaining how important my team was. The result? Nothing. I had no influence because I had built no trust, shown no logic, and made no connection. I had made the classic mistake: I tried to make a withdrawal from a bank account where I’d made no deposits.
True influence isn’t about control; it’s about connection. It’s not about pulling rank; it’s about pulling together. Based on failures like that, I built a framework based on three steady pillars.
Pillar 1: Credibility (The Foundation)
Like a path well-travelled, trust is earned one step at a time. Without it, your words are just noise.
Know Your Ground
When you speak with quiet confidence, grounded in experience, others listen. This isn’t about being the loudest; it’s about being the most prepared.
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❌ Before (Telling): “I don’t think we should use that vendor.”
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✅ After (Showing): “I’ve reviewed the proposals. Their last two projects in our sector missed their deadlines by 30 days. I’d recommend Vendor B instead.”
Be Reliable
Say what you’ll do. Do what you’ve said. The fastest way to build credibility is to master the art of “Closing the Loop.” If you say, “I’ll check on that,” you must send that follow-up email, even if the answer is “I’m still checking.” This small act of reliability builds a huge bank of trust.
Pillar 2: Logic (The Anchor)
When the waters are choppy, reason is what people hold onto. People may not share your feelings, but they can be persuaded by clear logic.
Make It Make Sense
Don’t just present your idea; present the entire logical chain. The best tool I’ve ever used for this is the “Problem, Solution, Benefit” framework.
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❌ Before (Just a solution): “I think we should all start using this new project software.”
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✅ After (Problem, Solution, Benefit): “Problem: I’ve noticed we’re struggling to track cross-department tasks. Solution: I’ve tested a new tool that gives us a central dashboard. Benefit: We’ll stop missing deadlines and save hours on email.”
Bring Solutions, Not Just Problems
The world has enough critics. Be a constructor. When you see a flaw, use the “Build-On” technique instead of just poking holes.
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❌ Critic (Unhelpful): “That’ll never work. The tech team will be a bottleneck.”
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✅ Influencer (Helpful): “That’s a great starting point. I see a potential bottleneck with the tech team. What if we looped them in now and framed this as a pilot program?”
Pillar 3: Emotional Connection (The Mover)
This is the one I got wrong with Mark. Logic convinces the mind, but connection moves the heart to action. People don’t follow ideas; they follow people who understand them.
Practice “Perspective Seeking”
Before you give your opinion, pause and ask a question to understand their “why.” This immediately lowers their defenses.
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❌ Before (Attacking): “Why would you cut the budget? That’s impossible.”
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✅ After (Seeking):A “I can see you’re concerned about the budget. Can you walk me through the pressures you’re facing? I want to understand what you’re seeing.”
Show Your Human Side
Influence doesn’t come from being a flawless robot. It comes from being a relatable human. Sharing a small, relevant challenge signals to others that it’s safe for them to be human, too.
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❌ Before (Perfection): “Just follow my plan, and it will be fine.”
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✅ After (Relatable): “This is tough. I remember facing a similar crunch on the ‘Project X’ launch last year. I was overwhelmed. Here’s what I learned from that…”
How to Adapt Your Influence
Your approach must change based on your audience. Here’s how to apply the three pillars.
A. Influencing Upwards (Your Leaders)
Focus: Logic & Credibility. Leaders are time-poor. Be a signal, not noise. Frame your idea in their world.
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Framework: Use the “Recommendation First” structure.
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❌ Before (Gives homework): “I looked at three vendors. A is cheap, B is fast, C is high-quality. They all have pros and cons…”
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✅ After (Gives an answer): “My recommendation is Vendor C. While they cost 10% more, their reliability ensures we hit our top priority: the launch deadline. I have a full comparison ready.”
B. Influencing Across (Your Peers)
Focus: Connection & Logic. This is where I failed with Mark. You have no authority, so you must rely on relationships. The key is the “What’s In It For Them?” (WIIFT) principle.
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Framework: Use the “Coffee, Not a Crisis” method. Build the relationship before you need it. These 15-minute check-ins are “deposits” in the relationship bank.
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❌ Before (My goal): “I need you to get me that data by Friday.”
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✅ After (Their goal):A “I know you’re working to show your team’s impact. If you could get me that data by Friday, I can include it in my presentation to leadership and make sure your team’s recent wins get the visibility they deserve.”
C. Influencing Down (Your Team)
Focus: Connection & Credibility. Your title gives you authority, but your connection gives you influence. Don’t just assign tasks; provide the mission.
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Framework: Always explain the “Why.”
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❌ Before (The “What”): “I need you to finish this data entry by Friday.”
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✅ After (The “Why”): “I need you to finish this data entry by Friday, because on Monday, the sales team is using this data for their big pitch. Your work is the foundation of that entire presentation.”
💡 For Visual Thinkers: When explaining the “Why,” don’t just say it. Show it. I often use a simple flowchart or a mind map on a whiteboard. For many visual thinkers and those with dyslexia, seeing the connection (e.g., Your Data -> Sales Pitch -> New Client) makes the “Why” tangible and far more motivating than just hearing it.
🟧 Try This Today
Influence isn’t a light switch; it’s a seed. To get started, you don’t need a grand strategy. You just need to make a deposit.
This week, pick one peer you don’t talk to often. Use the “Coffee, Not a Crisis” method. Schedule a 15-minute virtual chat. Don’t ask for anything. Just ask: “What are you working on, and how could I make your job easier?”
You’ll be amazed at the bridge you can build.
By Stephen Connell, BSc PGCE (Communication Trainer) Updated: 11 November 2025
