I. Let’s Talk About Meetings, Shall We?
Meetings. Just the word makes your shoulders drop a little, doesn’t it? Like hearing someone say “car trouble” or “team-building exercise.” You know what’s coming: an Outlook ping, a slot blocked in your calendar, and there you are, sentenced to an hour in a room (real or virtual) with ten other people and the ghost of a biscuit tin.
It’s not that meetings are inherently evil. No one’s suggesting they should be banned and replaced with interpretive dance (although, honestly, results may vary). It’s just that, more often than not, they feel like the longest route possible between a question and an answer. And yet, here we are. Because meetings, despite everything, do matter. Ideas are born there. Decisions are forged. Occasionally, someone remembers to reorder the teabags.
So, if we’re going to endure them, let’s at least get good at them.
II. Why Do Meetings Go So Spectacularly Sideways?
We’ve all survived a Tuesday 11:00am that didn’t need to exist. You join a meeting called “Project Sync,” only to realise nobody’s syncing and the project has gone into hiding.
There are some classic cock-ups. First, The Aimless Gathering. No agenda. No point. Just vibes. Like a book club where no one read the book and everyone brought cake. Then there’s The Noah’s Ark Guest List — two of everything. Why is Barry from Logistics here? Why am I here? No one knows.
Add in The Agenda That Never Was, The Meeting Hijacker (usually Paul, always with the holiday anecdote), and The Vanishing Follow-Up, and you’ve got a recipe for an hour that achieves roughly the same as shouting into a well.
III. Before the Meeting: The Thinking Bit
Before you fire off that invite like a confetti cannon, pause. Deep breath. Do you really need a meeting? Or could this be an email? A chat message? A mysterious sticky note left on someone’s monitor?
If you do need to gather the troops, then:
- Be clear about why. What are you deciding or fixing?
- Curate your guest list like you’re planning a wedding but you only have six chairs.
- Write an agenda that’s less “ramble” and more “military operation.” Include timings. Be ruthless.
- Give people roles. Facilitator. Note-taker. Timekeeper. (It’s like Cluedo, only with fewer murders. Hopefully.)
IV. During the Meeting: The Performance
This is it. Showtime.
- Start on time, end on time. Respect people’s lives outside Zoom.
- State the objective clearly. “Today we are deciding on X and planning for Y.” It sounds obvious, but it’s surprisingly radical.
- Keep things on track. Tangents are lovely, but there’s a time and a place. (Hint: it’s usually the pub.)
- Use the “Parking Lot.” Not a real car park — a place to jot down ideas that don’t fit now, but might be worth revisiting.
- Encourage the quiet ones, rein in the loud ones. Especially Paul.
- Decisions must lead to actions. If you walk out without a list of names, tasks, and deadlines, was it even a meeting?
V. After the Meeting: The Bit Everyone Forgets
You’ve made decisions. You’ve assigned actions. Hooray! But now comes the dangerous part — forgetting all of it happened.
- Send out minutes quickly. Not War and Peace. Just the key bits: what was decided, who’s doing what, and by when.
- Follow up. Check in before the next meeting. A gentle nudge does wonders.
- Ask for feedback. Even something as simple as “Was that meeting useful?” (Optional: insert anonymous poll with emojis.)
VI. In Summary: Survive and Thrive
Meetings, for all their madness, are here to stay. They can be absurd. They can be long. They can involve someone passionately advocating for oat milk procurement like it’s a matter of national security.
But with a bit of planning, a sense of humour, and the occasional tactical biscuit, they can also be quite brilliant. So next time your calendar pings, take a deep breath and remember: you’ve got this. Just keep Paul away from the agenda.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a 3:30 about fridge shelf etiquette. Wish me luck.
